Sunday, December 23, 2007
Fatherhood
You once told me a long time ago that even though it is some other man's name written on my birth certificate, you still consider me as your son. You have no idea how great that made me feel.
Too bad now, i know its a load of shit. Sure, you may consider me as your son, but the way your treating your kids these days, i am not sure that is such a good thing. I dont think i want to be your son any more.
You know what made me stay here 7 years ago when i should have gone home to mom? It was how you used to take us to the movies every week. How you would talk to each of us, and how great it made me feel to have a father, and a real, more or less complete family again..
Now you cant scrounge up the courage to talk to us regularly. Its been years since you took us anywhere. And living in this house with you, is like living in a house with a zombie.
Yeah, you covered your bases. You checked with us to see if it was ok to re marry. I was the only one who had anything to say, but since everybody else was fine with it, so was i. Funny thing is, all the crap that i was afraid would happen happened. Things turned out EXACTLY as i thought they would that night in QC circle when you told us. Maybe i should have spoken up more.
This family is ruined. Whenever i think about it, it curdles my blood. Well, my siblings and i, were as solid as ever, but your part in this family has long been six feet under.
When you were asked how you felt about your daughter going to the states, you had the gall to say "I am so happy." When that same daughter was stuck in the airport, all you had to say was "Pray ka nalang." As if praying would have gotten here the 2,500 she needed to pay the man to help her get on the plane. If we hadn't insisted to go to the airport and give her the money, "Pray ka nalang" would have been all you did.
You dont give a shit im about to graduate. All you care about is you wont have to feed me anymore, im going to the states.
You didnt even ask us if it was ok for your wife to bust into our lives again. What in the seven circles of hell gave you the idea that that was a surprise we would enjoy? You kicked us out of our room without even saying a word. You gave me a fricking cell to sleep in without a pc or a tv, when i spent years in that room with you and mike.
You wonder why were so hostile toward your stuck up wife? Maybe she's just collateral. Maybe, just maybe, were fed up with you.
You think just because were not kids anymore means you can stop caring for us? That we dont need any guidance now that were all over 16? That you can spend all your time with your new wife and expect us not to care? whats more, you expect us to LIKE her? She isnt even half the woman mom is. she just came into some money.
Yeah, I blame her. But i blame you too.
To think that i worked so hard to please you. I never did get that "im proud of you" i craved for so long ago.
You dont deserve us as your children. You stopped deserving us the moment you stopped caring.
That name written on my birth certificate? That name belongs to my father.
Its funny how i think of myself now as the bastard son of mom and Jose U. Macaspac. And im proud when i do. Cause my dad's a writer. and from what i'm slowly learning, a really good one at that. He's the one i took after, thank god, and not you. One things for sure. When I have children.. Ill take after you from before you met that woman of yours. From then on, all you did, ill flip on its head.
Bye.
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--=| Life is
what you make it.|=--
Maleficent
As if anything you can say can scare me. Wow. Go ahead. Disconnect the DSL. Ill get it right back up. In my own room. As if you hold any sway over me. Dream on. As far as I am concerned, you are not here. So disappear. Vanish. At least until we can abandon this ship that you single-handedly sunk.
I am a rat. Rats rock.
We don’t care about your two houses in Rancho whatever. We don’t care about your cars or your Louis Vuitton. We don’t care if your daughter is the President of the Universe. We don’t care about you. So take your walker and walk away. Take your zombie with you.
At least until we can desert this ship that you single-handedly sunk.
You cant talk to me with a raised voice and expect me to listen. I am not a child. I can probably talk better than you without having to raise my voice.
I have my own will, my own reason. All you had to do to make things more pleasant here was understand that. So you go ahead and take the high ground.
Im gonna sit here, listening to my mp3s, not giving a rat’s ass what youre saying.
All I hear from you is static. So go ahead and cry. Wail away. Say you feel unloved, unwanted, unappreciated. Cause you are. Nice to know youre not oblivious to the obvious.
Salome. Tyra. Mudra. This is all you are. Mom was right.
I am no Sleeping Beauty, no Princess Aurora.
I am a Rat. I am deserting this sinking ship that you single-handedly sank.
You can kiss my ass.
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--=| Life is
what you make it.|=--
