Welcome to my mind -- stream of consciousness –

Isn’t it funny how nowadays when you look back at memories, you count back in years?

It doesn’t seem so long ago when a year for me seemed to go on forever. Time truly is a fickle thing.

A FEW YEARS AGO, I couldn’t imagine reminiscing about something that happened years ago. I was too busy being a kid. But I'm older now. And for lack of a better thing to do, thinking about YEARS ago serves a purpose.

Now, I’m thinking about high school.. About bridges burned and friends lost... about family... Year after year, one blurred into the next. Through the looking glass of my memories, everything is all muddled, save for those that I have treasured.

Found a picture the other day, the time stamp on it read 26 12 '95. We were kids then, my sisters, brothers, and I. Preserved in that picture is a memory of us... 13 YEARS younger. Me, skinny as a street urchin, huge gaps in my teeth, posing with my siblings as my uncle snapped the picture. We had just finished wrestling then. Fooling around. Happy times forever passed, save for that instant, preserved in the photograph.

Happy times forever passed.

Its funny how time flew. Despite my best effort, I blinked, and I missed a beat. Now I understand what people mean when they say time flows. It is not constant, not a line. It is a stream. Whether fast or slow, it will go by. It will continue flowing until it reaches a river. The flow becomes a current. The river reaches the ocean and the current becomes waves so big they can devour whole continents.

Time slips by. Time stands still. Time sneaks up on you. You cant keep track of time. Does time even exist? Or is it some awkward attempt at fathoming our being? Does a sense of measure of duration help us secure our place in the immensely complex tapestry/web/kaleidoscope of the universe/cosmos? Is time truly measured by the ticks in a clock? By the rounds of the sun and moon? By the flow of the ocean?

I put the DVD of my life into the player and press fast forward. I wonder what I will see? Is there any bonus content? Who will voice the commentary? Who is the cast of characters in the future chapters of my story? How did I do in the Box Office? Will people buy it for their collection, or just rent it? Please present your membership card. Remember: To Play is Human, but to Rewind is Divine.

Right now, I cannot imagine reminiscing about things that happened decades ago. Decades ago, I was still pooping my pants. But knowing what I know now, that time will come, when years will pass my by in the blink of an eye, and they become clusters in my hard drive, badly in need of defragmentation. The time will come when I will look back at this nonsensical entry, read it in its entirety, and think to myself “God. I really thought I was making sense when I wrote this.”

It is 2:13 AM. Good Night.